Long, long time...

It's been nearly forever since I've posted, but it's because there's been only one thing going on: work. Last May I got promoted to management, and I truly have done nothing else since then. All the non-work things I do have become nearly transparent in my life, if they didn't drop out completely, but new effort is to reverse that shift. Early this morning (about 5:30 am!) I got back from my yearly Caribbean vacation, and if that experience gave me one thing this time around, it's a renewed knowledge that I need to make something of my life. (In actuality it gave me several things including a nice tan like I haven't had in awhile, a bunch of fantastic new friends, a little more self confidence/appreciation than I've had recently, and some great pictures that will hopefully make it into a post.) There's a song that my choir in Seattle sang that has been echoing through my mind recently and the words really set the stage for what I've learned the past week:

He was 21 in 1944,
He was hope, and he was courage on a lonely shore.
Sent there by a mother with love beyond her tears,
Just a young American who chose to rise above his fears.
And as I watch him struggle up that hill, without a thought of turning back,
I cannot help but wonder:
What did he die for, when he died for you and me,
Made the sacrifice so that we could all be free?
I believe we will answer each to heaven
For the way we spend our priceless liberty -
Look inside and ask a question, what did he die for, when he died for me?

To the darkest day in AD 33,
Came the mercy and compassion of eternity.
Sent there by a Father with love beyond His tears,
The blameless one, the only Son, to bear the guilt of all the years.
And as I watch Him struggle up that hill, without a thought of turning back,
I cannot help but wonder:
What did He die for, when He died for you and me,
Made the sacrifice so that we could all be free?
I believe we will answer each to heaven
For the way we spend our priceless liberty -
Look inside and ask a question, what did he die for?

He died for freedom. He died for love.
And all the things we do to pay Him back will never be enough.

What did He die for when He died for you and me,
Made the sacrifice so that we could all be free?
I believe we will answer each to heaven
For the way we spend our priceless liberty -
Look inside and ask a question, what did he die for, when he died for me?

I like my job - I work so hard at it because I feel like it's a place I feel I can really make a difference in the lives and experiences of those around me - but it can't be the entirety of my interaction with the world. Being with people who appreciate me and like me (it's been a long time since I've been kissed by someone who has a last name other than Fitch) helped me remember that I can (and should) also ask something of the world for myself. I knew I buried myself in work as a protection for myself, but it was a new realization that it was also a way of shortchanging my own experience. If I don't make the world give me something, my own contribution becomes more and more narrow until I'm not using the full spectrum of my abilities. Basically, I'm once again going to look for ways to take life by the horns and make it give me what I want, so when I answer the question how am I repaying the people who laid foundations for me, it will be the most full answer I can come up with - not just the contributions that fell into my lap.

Is this too esoteric for anyone else to understand? Maybe posting after 16 hours of traveling wasn't the best idea - but you have to start somewhere, right?