So I had a date tonight. It was sort of squashed in sideways between all the other stuff I'm doing (still busy busy busy), but it brought forth some fruit for thought. Musings for the ride to work tomorrow (and yes, tomorrow is Sunday - the boss called twice today, so tomorrow should be interesting). Anyway, one ponder that I've been having recently is how much is too much of an age gap in a dating relationship.
My functioning theory up to this point has been:
1- I'll go on at least one date with almost anyone who asks
2- (a caveat) I may require a double date if he makes me a little nervous - if he makes me really nervous I reserve the right to revoke #1
For a simple get-to-know-you date, I don't have any further requirements regarding age, religion, political persuasion, or field of study. This theory is easy to hold because it has never been a concern - I simply don't go on dates. Also, the qualification of "at least" in #1 is generally theoretical because I have been on exactly one second date since high school. My guess at the reason for this (i.e. my general lack of dating interaction) is that I scare eligible guys. I've started a joke (which is starting to not seem so funny) that I have special selective invisible ink on my forehead that only single guys can see (selective invisible ink, kind of like selective amnesia: localized and patchy) that spells out some gruesome death threat if they take me out. It's probably more likely that I'm scared of dating so I covertly/subconsciously/inadvertently discourage potential dates by avoidance, fear, and distraction.
Anyway, whatever the reason(s), age gaps has not been a relevant concern - until recently. Of my recent date requests (the pluralness of that is very odd in and of itself, though I'm beginning to get accustomed to requests with no followthrough), all of them have been more than 10 years older than me. Is that weird? Only one of the three has ever been married, so it's not like they all have inherently significant different life experiences from me. They all seem like nice guys - haven't felt the need to invoke caveat #2 yet. It's just the age thing that makes me feel a bit weird.
Women are always worried about turning forty - personally, I like my age, I hope I don't freak out about it when I hit the round decades - but I'm only thinking about dating someone very near or over forty and it makes me feel old and hard up. Like I'm the last one in the Circuit City on the day after Thanksgivings and the only sale items left are keychains. Not that I can't or won't buy a keychain, but I was saving for a fancy new big-screen TV. I know that that's not too much to want (people love the "don't settle" advice), but right now I'm standing in front of a rack of keychains and the TVs are simply not making an appearance. I just don't know quite what to do, should I keep looking at keychains or come back on the day after Christmas?
What if there's not any TVs then either...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
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1 comment:
Lol, great analogy. My advice, coming unsolicited as it is, is to never settle. Age is only a big problem if you feel that it is and you are just doing it because, well, no one else has asked and he seems nice, so why not? Marriage is a pretty big deal. Having a couple dates is no biggie to see if you are a good fit, but if you see any sign that the age gap will make you uncomfortable or will bring up other problems (ie, what about having kids? will he be into it when he's 60 and they still aren't out of the house?). But if it feels like you could really work together, age is just a number.
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